NEXT ISSUE SERVICE DEALER BUSINESS QUARTERLY Magazine Summer 2013 published July 2013
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GRASS-OLOGY 'Sod-off' should have been the response
Tis’ the time of year when everyone is an expert on grass. Maureen Lipman as Beattie in the old BT TV ads, used to have an ‘-ology’ for every subject under the sun playing , just as the popular media has developed ‘grass-ology’.
It was bad enough for the Daily Telegraph to weigh in with expert analysis from ‘Tony Smith, Award Winning Garden Designer’ who gave his views on the Wimbledon courts after seven losing players fell out of the Championships on one day. Just as well Mr Smith was on hand, because on the basis of him mowing his lawn with a garden tractor, he would also presumably be well qualified to offer his opinion on the ‘tyre-gate scandal’ during the Silverstone FI Grand Prix a few days later.
Worse was to follow. CNN decided to get the root of the problem and invited ‘Geoffrey Webb, chief executive of The Institute of Groundsmanship’ onto their flagship news programme. (I can’t remember them interviewing Edward Seaward in previous years).
To add to authenticity, CNN rang the IOG from the States just before the programme to see whether Geoff could bring a slice of Wimbledon turf with him to the studio!
Surprised that this ‘reasonable request’ received a ‘sod-off’ (US term for turf removal), CNN nipped round to the nearest B&Q and bought a metre of ready-lay turf to cover the news presenter’s desk. 'Beattie' would be proud of it, because it most resembled one of those long-pile rugs from the 1980’s.
Nonetheless, that didn’t stop the rather fearsome lady news anchor sensually running her hand across the weed-laden shaggy turf during the interview rather in the way Blofeld stroked his cat.
Geoff Webb was tolerant, polite and looked understandably bemused trying to make any meaningful connection between the year-long professional preparation of one of the world’s greatest sporting arenas with a strip of turf that had been sitting on a pallet for how long? (20% off on Wednesdays).
Still, such publicity does the IOG nor the turf industry any harm in the long run. It does provide an opportunity to explain and expand on the role and expertise of turfcare professionals - and the fact that that it’s practioners are not those didn’t make the grade at school, so end up mowing and painting white lines.
Having been tagged Geoffrey now, the next step is surely to follow in the footsteps of England and Yorkshire’s greatest opening bat - ‘Sir' Geoffrey cannot be far behind . .
"My grandmother could play that Sharapova with a stick of rhubarb on Centre Court and still take her in straight sets"
