HALF CUT?  A driving ban and a night in the cells was the end-result of Jim Swinburne’s (27) quite reasonable (at the time) decision to take his grandad’s Lawnflite ride-on out for a spin. Problem was that it was 4.00am after ‘a few vodkas’. He only intended to drive it round the fields near his grandad’s home at Ingol, near Preston, but got stuck in the mud and decided to take to the pavement to get home. Which is when he stopped by Lancashire's finest, breathalysed and found to be ‘more than 3 times over the limit’. At a court hearing recently he was fined £88 and banned for driving for a 12 months. So it’s the fields and the Lawnflite only from now on – because Jim doesn’t drive and doesn't have a licence.

TRUMP DRAW.  The sporting Donald J Tump, known for his ownership of Turnberry, has also played a key part in the football (sorry soccer) scene in the UK.  In 1992, he was a guest on the Saint and Greavsie show and asked the make the draw for the Football League cup quarter-final which saw Middlesbrough paired with Peterborough (or Peter-bow-bow according The Donald). In return for his skill at removing 4 balls from a bag he was presented with a coveted Saint and Greavsie mug.  Today he might be eyeing a slightly bigger prize.        

WHAT’S IN A NAME? Time was when mower models meant something.  Matador, Mastiff, Panther, Merry Tiller, Paragon, Concorde, Colt even Minimo.  The names chosen because they identified their strengths. Today, we get stuff like HP414 or HRG416PK, naming processes thought up by engineers but not marketeers.  So I can’t wait for a manufacturer to taken the plunge and launch a Mowwy McMowface – or something similar.  The product might be suspect, but at least it’ll get noticed.

SEASONAL BAROMETER.  They always say that Easter is the start of the grass cutting season. Not if it falls in March.  A more reliable barometer and the talk of the trade is the week of Chelsea Flower Show, especially when mower makers dominated Northern Avenue (not any longer).  Some years the season had shot its bolt by mid-May, others it had hardly got started.  That’ll will surely be the case this year.

A week of celebration and sadness. Victoria Wood in particular and my favourite line of her's - “I went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into a bowl. I don’t know what happened to my moped but I’ve driven that Peugeot for years”. Brilliant.