OVER THE HUMP?
SO glad to hear that Portsmouth won’t have the hump any more, although goodness knows you wouldn’t blame them after free-falling from the Premiership and recent FA Cup success to hovering above the trap-door of non-league football last season.

This summer, the politely named 'Fratton camber' is being removed during a full renovation of the pitch. In the past, fans in the lower seat lost sight of the ball in the certain parts of the ground. Chief executive Mark Catlin says that ‘money is being ploughed into the improvements’.  Sounds a novel way of replacing nitrogen and potassium.

PAINT DRYING SYNDROME:  
"IT was riveting - if you were a groundsman - because the best part of the TV coverage of the Europa Cup Final was that we got to watch two uninterrupted hours of the grass growing at the Juventus Stadium while Seville and Benfica jogged their way round it, doing their best not to kick a ball straight". (The Independent)

SHEEPISH AT THE VALE:
Congratulation to Steve Speed who celebrates 35 years at Vale Park. He has seen colourful managers come and go, and his chairmen haven't been more colourful than the late Bill Bell.

Steve recalls the time a flock of sheep were stationed at Vale Park for the summer 14 years ago. "We have about an acre-and-a-half of grass banking at the back of the Railway Stand which is a nightmare to keep short. So, tongue in cheek one night, I said to the chairman it was a pity we couldn't get any sheep. He got talking to someone in the pub and a week later he told me he could get six or seven for the summer”

"It worked really well. They were eating all the grass and all we had to do was keep them watered”

"The problem was Sky Sports got to hear about the sheep at Vale, not realising they were just at the back of the stand. The chairman decided it would be great publicity and told me to get them on the pitch for a few pictures."

Instead, legend has it that Bell removed a cigar from his mouth and uttered the memorable line, "Speedy, round 'em up". Steve says "We had these sheep running all over the pitch and Sky got their pictures. But could we get the sheep off afterwards? No chance. They wanted to stay on this lovely lush grass not go back to walking up the back of the stand.

"We were chasing them everywhere, it must have taken us an hour to get them off the pitch. To be fair, I have seen a few midfield players here over the last few years who didn't move as fast." (Stoke Sentinel)